I am on the autism spectrum. And it doesn’t bother me.

But that doesn’t mean I haven’t fought my own mental battles. Far from it! But I can’t deny that autism has opened some very interesting doors for me in the corridors of life.

I’ve known about my status as mildly autistic for as long as I can remember. On one hand, there were times when I barely even noticed. I did many things that the average child of my generation may have done: play with my siblings, enjoy a lovely summer day outside, watch TV, and listen to the latest songs composed by the big singers of the day.

On the other hand, looking back, I reckon that I can spot some fairly obvious signs. As a homeschooler, my family often attended homeschool support group meetings. I specifically remember at the end of one meeting one evening, I noticed a pile of flyers entitled Fourteen Signs of Autism. Here are the few of the following that truly resonated with me (and what I can remember; I was probably like 15 when I saw the flyer!):

• Inappropriate laughter (oh, yes. When I laugh, I LAUGH. Currently working on controlling that so it’s not too obnoxious.)
• Spinning (this one made my sisters and I laugh; more on that below)
• Something along the line of inappropriate clinging to objects (you should’ve seen me with my first Huckleberry Hound plush; that toy and I were inseparable!)

So yeah, those are just a few of the signs on the flyer. There are other signs that apply to me as well, such as a love of solitude, hyperfixations, firmly fixed routines, and a very picky menu.

And I mean VERY picky!

Anyway, let’s break down how some of these signs impacted my life.

My quirkiest hobby, for example? Twirling in circles while listening to music. Oh my gosh, for me personally, nothing screams imaginative freedom, rest, and relaxation like spinning around in circles in my dark, enclosed bedroom with my favorite music drowning out the outside world. I could do it for hours on end. Dizziness? What’s that, never heard of it.

(Oi, wait a minute, shouldn’t a common word such as dizziness be in every author’s vocabulary?)

Well, now everyone knows what I do in my free time. What goes on in my head while the music and circle dancing in darkness possess me, you ask? Okay, that brings us to the hyperfixations. I have my interests like the average person, oh yes. But the word interest might be a bit of an understatement. I had borderline obsessions! And they were fun obsessions, too. When I was about 12 years old, I decided that I really liked Huckleberry Hound from Hanna-Barbera (the same cartoon company that created Scooby-Doo in 1969).

Why, simply noticing that cute blue cartoon coonhound on a DVD cover in Cracker Barrel at age 13 was enough to create a months-long obsession! And that obsession led to a discovery of more Hanna-Barbera cartoons. When I was 14 years old, I eagerly watched my first episode of Quick Draw McGraw after waiting for a couple of days for the now-non-existent Parmly Billings Library to have a DVD on hold ready for my parents to pick up.

I fell in love. And that love led to collecting more Hanna-Barbera cartoons. Soon it wasn’t just Huckleberry Hound and Quick Draw McGraw. If a cartoon was Hanna-Barbera, it was my call to watch it. And just not watch the cartoons, but to research them and the Hanna-Barbera company itself.

Alas, all good things must come to an end, and throughout my teenage years and even through my college years, my imagination grew with hyperfixations that came and went on many other cartoons such as the original Animaniacs, Tom and Jerry, Looney Tunes, Ducktales, Darkwing Duck, and even some good classic movies such as The Wizard of Oz and The Great Mouse Detective. All these hyperfixations contributed to my imagination, creating funny fanfic stories in my head.

Call me a cartoon nerd. And yes, I understand that many non-autistic people love cartoons. Just look at the people through the decades who created memorable cartoons such as Looney Tunes and Scooby-Doo and Fairly Oddparents as careers! But for me, those vintage cartoons were golden Christmas presents for my active, fantasy-loving imagination. Truth be told, I am the millennial who is much more knowledgeable with vintage cartoons than technology!

So I just admitted that I glory in my time alone. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t been lonely. I may not be as social as other people, but I do have wonderful friends whose company I enjoy. Even so, this does bring me to the more negative aspects of being autistic. I had a much tougher time making friends than my non-autistic sisters. In fact, making friends my age was probably one of my toughest childhood challenges. My family may have been homeschooled, but we still had our social circles and extracurricular activities, such as a co-op that ran art classes and choir for homeschooling families, the Billings Youth Orchestra, my church youth group, and the drama group that my mother ran for several years.

I’ll admit it, I was a socially awkward kid. Many a time I laughed way too hard at things. And my voice is kind of deep for a female voice. And I hardly had the same interests as any of the other kids my age in any of these groups. I mean, how many kids and teenagers during the 2000’s and 2010’s enjoyed watching cartoons older than their own parents, let alone knew that such cartoons even existed? Honestly, most of the friends I did have were quite younger than me. Like, four years younger than me! Even today, it’s not an uncommon sight to see children enjoying time with me.

I was also a grade behind in school. Math sucked. And I specifically remember during my early days in the youth orchestra, I was the only kid who had to have my father sit next to me during rehearsals because of how much I struggled. Why, there were a couple of times when I had trouble understanding the plot of a simple movie! I pretty much had only one way to impress others around me: my good memory. People liked asking me when their birthday was. It was one of the very few things about myself that I was truly proud of.

So in the world of social norms, I was the odd puzzle piece that wouldn’t fit any of the sets. And it was difficult, especially during my mid-teenage years. It was this kind of social rejection that played a significant part in bringing about my era of teenage depression. I felt like I had a low IQ. I felt like nobody wanted to be my friend. I felt inferior to others around me. I was told, “Alicia, you just gotta jump right in!” Believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve tried to join in on conversations. But my presence was barely noticed, and I was often interrupted when I did speak. I only saw a few improvements during this time in my life, such as actually being able to play in the youth orchestra rehearsals and other ensembles without parental supervision. In fact, when I joined the Billings Ceilidh (pronounced KAY-lee) Fiddlers when I was 17, I remember how good it felt to help a newer violinist younger than myself because I was reminded of my past 12-year-old self who needed an older student sitting next to me during my first youth orchestra concert.

And honestly, one of the biggest mysteries in my mind was how the depression era just simply wore off a couple of weeks before my 18th birthday. Oh, it was wonderful, yes. But it just magically wore off. Maybe I stopped caring so much. Or maybe the Lord intervened.

Life certainly improved in early adulthood. I graduated high school at age 19 in 2014 and became a substitute member of the Billings Symphony. I went to college at age 20 and spent a fun six years working toward my Music and English majors. Age comes with wisdom, I guess, even for me.

I know that I am blessed to be on the milder side of the autism spectrum. Sure, I might still exhibit some of the classic signs of autism. I’m still twirling in circles to my heart’s content with music blasting out my eardrums and cutting off the outside world of reality. I still love those vintage cartoons, though the hyperfixations, while still pretty powerful, are not exactly obsessions anymore.

In fact, the hyperfixations added their contributions to my imagination. I often found inspiration in watching my favorite cartoons and movies. I even created and drew my very own cartoon rabbit, and I am definitely going to use him in a future fantasy series. And I had a lot of fun writing my character Kennedy Ryan in my Kennedy Ryan series. Like myself, Kennedy is a mildly autistic young lady who is navigating life (and a few mysteries and danger!) and learning to trust in God even when nothing seems to make sense.

But I’m running a rather normal life. Working towards building a career in writing, making my own life decisions, learning about the book publishing industry, interacting with my writers’ groups, and building a presence on many social media platforms.

Autism is certainly no requirement for creativity. It is considered a neurodevelopmental disorder, after all. But I strongly believe that my own personal case of autism has granted me a kind of beautiful creativity that is unique to me as an author.

Just as God intended.